Hello Everyone:
I spent the better half of a day today between Women’s College and Princess Margaret Hospitals. Working on completing my reconstruction – it’s quite the process and sometimes I think people don’t do everything, but I figured, I’ve gone through this much and be through so much that I might as well try and see it through all the steps. That is happening at Women’s College. I also showed my plastic surgeon a bump that I had found last October (which I did an ultrasound on – and I was told it was a lyphoma; aka fat blob), that has grown over the past year – he thinks it’s a cyst and I am going to have it removed. They say that it won’t become anything cancerous – but I’m going to remove it anyhow. Might as well do something that is considered ‘cosmetic surgery’……..not covered by OHIP. Hope he gives me a ‘repeat patient discount’! LOL!
My visit to Princess Margaret was with my medical oncologist. I have to say that being in that hospital where I did my chemo and radiation treatments gives me chills still. The waiting room of the second floor Breast Clinic was full. Patients and their support teams. Lots of women with scarves on their heads. Some sad faces. Some teary. Some smiles. Mine was of relief that I didn’t have to be there every three weeks anymore. Phew.
A volunteer finally called my name and said she needed to weigh me in. I’ve gained a couple of kilos since radiation. I’m hoping that it’s because I’m building muscle mass again……One can only hope. I sat in Room 15 for awhile before a young lady came in. She asked me if I was on Tamoxifen? I said “yes – since June 2011”. She asked me how it was going? I said, “how is it supposed to be going?” It came out kind of funny – but I really don’t know what to expect from this drug so I said, “hot flashes and weight gain”. She said that’s normal. She went on to ask me if I had been taking the pill everyday and around the same time. I answered yes. Then she asked me how I remember to take it everyday. To which I said, “I just do”. She then asked me if I had missed any days since I started and if I was sure of it. At this point I was having a hot flash and thought that she was going to get a ‘flash’ of my temper! So I took a deep breath, fanned myself a little and said, “when you are doing something that you hope is going to potentially help lower the risk of reoccurence, I would imagine you don’t forget”. *I then flashed her a ‘smile’. . . . Needless to say, she thanked me and left the room. :p
When the doctor came in, I told him about the cyst. He said it was mobile, so not stuck to anything, and I could remove it so it doesn’t grow bigger and if it was causing me discomfort. I told him that it does give me some pain when I touch it, to which he said, “that’s a good thing”. As I mentioned before, breast cancer doesn’t really present itself or cause one pain. Another Phew. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this meeting. It was my first one after radiation. I’ve only done a mammogram in the past year. And that’s on my good side. People always ask me if I’m “in the clear” or “have you had any tests to make sure the cancer hasn’t come back”? So I ask him if they do any blood work. He said “no”. He said that the chance of getting breast cancer on the good side is low. That on the affected side, I’d have to watch for any symptoms – like around the scars for anything unusual. He said other than that, if the cancer should show up somewhere else, i.e. the bones, I would have bone pain that wouldn’t go away. I know what that feels like and I definitely don’t want to experience it again. He felt my nodes on my neck, listened to me breathe, and tapped my entire back. And, that was it. See you next year. Quite uneventful – but at the end of the day, the kind of appointment you want.
As I left the hospital, I purchased a couple of tickets to the Princess Margaret Home Lottery……..I wouldn’t mind winning a car, and besides, it’s for a good cause. Outside PMH they have walls put up around the perimeter for the Weekend to Conquer Cancer Walk. People have written words of hope, memories and tributes to loved ones lost, and survivors’ words of inspiration. Made me think of theWinnie‘s Warriors I wrote on the Wall of Hope at last year’s Run for the Cure. I was a little overwhelmed by it. This past Sunday, September 30th was the Run for the Cure. I know a few of you offered to make the trek with me this year – but I wasn’t up for it. Maybe next year, or some other event that will directly help those in need – of unaffordable drugs, home care, a wig, or hat.
As many of you know, I consider November 1st “my day”. It was the date (2010) that I shaved off my hair pre-chemo to donate to help make a wig for children with cancer. That was a choice that gave me some control or say in dealing with this illness. It was the day I started my fight. It was the night, as Keri put it, “I held court in the wine bar at Centro”, when I looked at so many friends and family with tears in their eyes and somehow, had the strength to stop my own tears as Brian put the razor to my head. I don’t know where that strength came from. WOW. What a night!!
I had asked a few of you to save this date as I was thinking about marking my second year. After much thought, and since a few of my local Warriors are not going to be in town, I’m going to post-pone the get together for now. BUT, I am still going to mark my date. Working on the details…….you’ll get the full story in my next update.
So to close, I share with you these thoughts:
“Life is not a someday thing or a one day thing. It is a right now, every day thing.” And I am working on living and doing things ‘right now’.
“Ignore people who say it can’t be done. No matter what the statistics say, there’s always a way. Feed your hopes, not your fears. Fight for the greater good. Know in your heart that all things are possible. Treat all setbacks as temporary and always remember that you are never alone. Life is the grand adventure and any life worth living is worth recording”.
Wishing everyone, Courage – every day.
Winnie xo