Hello Everyone and Happy Sunday:

Its been hot, humid and very summery in Toronto. I hear it has been like that in many parts of the world. Not a lot of rain although the forecast is calling for a shower or thunderstorm tomorrow we need it.

Its been a while since Ive written last. Ive been gathering my thoughts but since I had a few medical appointments earlier this spring, I thought I would wait to give an update. But there is always something going on so I figured Id get on my computer and reach out while doing my laundry. J

My Au Revoir refers to how the French say good-bye. In fact, many other languages its the same idea good bye until we meet again. And generally, I think that is a good thing. However, I had some moments earlier in the spring that weighed on me. It has been 5 years since Ive been taking Tamoxifen. They are recommending another 5 years. *le sigh. I suppose it is best to go along with it. When I went for my annual pap, my doctor told me that Tamoxifen has been reported to increase the chance of cancer of the endometrium or uterus (womb) as well uterine fibroids (thankfully those are non-cancerous tumours). As I have said before, I am typically on a needs to know basis. I dont try and find about all the side effects unless necessary. Why worry more about things that may or may not happen right?! The look of worry must have been evident on my face after he said that because he followed up with, Ive been appointed the head chief of all the cancers below the waist so I will look after you. We can monitor and screen for these things. Phew……sort of. Hes been my doctor for over 20 years I hope he doesnt retire anytime soon. :O

Then shortly after that, speaking with some friends and clients, I heard about a couple of lost battles to cancer and also recurrence. You think that youve beaten it, but that doesnt stop you from thinking about it. After youve had cancer, you always do. You cant help it. So instead of Au Revoir Id just like to say Good Riddance!! I realize that as time passes, it might not be cancer that comes back, but all the side effects and other things that come to visit. My family doctor has put me back on blood pressure pills. I had managed to get off it a couple of years ago. Were not sure if its hereditary or if its from the tamoxifen. Even she says that you dont know everything that it can cause.  I was hoping that it was a temporary thing. But weve had to increase the dosage over the past few months. My readings are better so well see. More meds…..just what I need. L

At the start of the summer, my back and chest where I was radiated turned into scaly, rough skin even though I put a lot of sunscreen on. Call me Lizard-Winnie. (not attractive, believe me). Ive also come across a couple of bumps here and there but I suspect that they are just lipoma. I had one before below my breast but I had my surgeon cut it out and check it. Lipoma is a benign tumor composed of adipose tissue (body fat).

The Tamoxifen is supressing my estrogen. And while my hope was to grow older and age gracefully, I find that my eye-lids are drooping. Good thing Im not too vain and care all that much about appearances (LOL who am I kidding?!).at least I know a good plastic surgeon if necessary!!

As I was speaking with a friend who has also been through the traumas of breast cancer and also has had a couple of scares we realized that it had been a while since I had my last mammogram. I remembered that it has been well over a year as I had had my last scare in April 2015 and I had called my mother while I was waiting for the results. It was her birthday. I ended up calling the Imaging department, the After-Cancer Treatment Clinic and then my surgeon at the Breast Centre to try and figure out how to get one booked. It can be quite confusing after a while. I now have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow. You can get lost in the system sometimes, and avoidance and procrastination will lead you to be forgotten. One must really keep vigilant and advocate for oneself! (Thanks JS for reminding me).

I recently did my annual Field Vision Test. I did not perform well. You have to stare at a little light constantly and press a clicker when you see other light flashing in the dome. There was some concern, so my optometrist, called me in. There is another test I can do she said it was not covered by OHIP (government). I said lets go ahead anyway. This is my vision after all. She said I took it quite well. (Well how could I not? If there is something wrong, and we catch it early then at least we can deal with it). I walked out, and walked back in to ask which eye was not right, she said both. Yikes!!

It might be the start of glaucoma which there are drops for. The bright side that I can tell is that one of the side effects of the drops can be eye lash growthI have to stay positive right?!

I had thought at one point that the chemo/radiation was affecting my vision which it can sometimes. Tamoxifen another culprit. Now that I have actually read some of the known side effects, which include disturbances of vision (cataracts, changes to the cornea or disease of the retina) and cases of optic nerve diseases. Not going to lie, Im nervous and a little worried. Stay tuned. Referral has been sent to book an appointment for this test.

The humidity might be affecting my lymphedema. My right hand has been swelling and my arm to a lesser degree. I might have to buy some rings for my fat-days. J. Another bright side! LOL. Better get back into the pool I’ve been putting that off.

Live music can be a healer and bring joy to the soul. I went to a concert at Casa Loma called Soul in the City. With all the crazy and hatred in the world, the theme was to bring love and friendship together. Over the course of the evening I made a few new acquaintances. One, a lady who I approached who was sitting alone at a table inside the pavilion. (I did not have a seat and was not looking forward to standing). Turns out that I knew one of her friends and sat with them :). We had a good laugh. Then I befriended a young couple who had just got engaged at the castle. They shared their champagne and gave me their table when they left. I used it as an opportunity to bring in a young girl who was sitting outside alone in the garden. Then we also brought inside a young man who had taken her spot outside. I got them to get up and dance together too! One of the ladies said to me, “We need to bottle up your energy and clone you. The world would be a nicer place. You’re amazing!”. How nice of her!! Sometimes, the world is not always that friendly, but every now and then, if you dare to reach out, it could just change your outlook and experience.

Change will come. Change will happen. It must. We need to will it to.

Enjoy your day. Hope it is doing what you want and with who you want.

Always,

Winnie, the Warrior XO