Hello Everyone:

Fitting to end 2016 with my blog #60! It has been 6 years since I started this journey and I wish to thank each and every one of you have been alongside me. I also wish you all the best in the coming year, good health, wonderful adventures, lots of love, laughter and tears of joy. If I plan to publish my book using 100 posts, it may be another 5 years before I can even start. We’ll see. 😉

It has been an interesting year. I have connected with some old friends in a meaningful way and maintained many for which I am forever blessed.

I had a dark day leading to the end of this year. I suffered from extreme head pains (like lightning bolts going off inside my brain) and aches. I haven’t felt this bad since my chemo days. 🤕. Started seemingly out of the blue on the 27th while I was out, my right arm (which I’ve had my lymphedema), started to give me a lot of pain, and started to swell and got inflamed. All the while, I was getting blasts inside my head. My scalp was tender to the touch and my arm was so painful I could hardly move it and driving Junior was a challenge. When I was at home, I felt feverish. I managed to make dinner and play a game of Scrabble, which I lost so then had to kick my friend out. LOL. It was too much. But thankful she helped to clean up and do the dishes. (Even though I refused the help, secretly it was a welcome). I took a warm bath and went straight to bed. Given my personality – I tried to ‘fix’ me – put some Voltaren on my entire arm and put one of my compression sleeves and some Aleve. Well – what happened was when I took off the sleeve, my arm had a horrible rash to go with the pain. Yikes. Not good.

When I got up Wednesday, I was miserable, in a lot of pain, shooting headaches and my arm was more swollen and the rash was none the better. It was quite bad – I called in sick for work and spent the entire day in bed. Returned some emails and spoke on the phone a couple of times but I had no energy. I wore a toque all day and ate 2 bowls of cereal. Didn’t have the energy to do anything else. With my housecoat and toque on, when I looked in the mirror it was chemo all over again. Not sure what was worse – the pain and swelling or reliving the chemo days.

I went to the doctor today. He was a new family doctor assigned to me. He just finished his residency in the US. Gee – I think I’m old enough to be his mother! He decided I needed an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot. After all, I had all my lymph nodes removed, and had the area radiated and have had to deal with lymphedema already on this affected arm. The imaging centre was closed until Jan 3rd due to the holidays. I was going to wait but a good nurse warrior pushed me to go an emergency department. After all, I think that blood clots can travel and kill you. I started to agree with her. I had to know – or else I’d be spending the next week or so wondering if I would wake up in the mornings or drop dead. With all the people lately dying of heart attacks, failures and strokes (Carrie Fisher, George Michael and Debbie Reynolds – and who knows who else – we don’t know because they are not celebrities), I packed up my stuff from work and trekked over the St. Michael’s Hospital and braced myself for a 4-5 hour wait.

The whole procedure went amazingly well. And after 75 mins, I was walking to the subway to go home. My guardian angels must have been looking out for me. The Ultrasound department closed at 4 p.m. and I arrived at 3:15 p.m. The triage nurse was great. She called them right away and asked if they could squeeze me in. I sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes before I was whisked to the imaging department where I was seen right away. One of the ER docs came to talk to me just before I went upstairs and told me they ‘bumped’ me up the list. Could have been 1) the imaging department was closing, 2) my cancer history or 3) my nice demeanour and smile?! (Doubt it). Going with door 1 or 2. I’m just thankful they didn’t send me away!!

Bottom line: no blood clot. Phew!! Take some anti-histamines and watch over the next few days to see if the rash gets better and the swelling goes down. I can sleep in peace. Must be some muscle trauma. To be determined. May have to deal with lymphedema again but have to get the rash out of the way. There is a visible difference in the size of my arms now. Hopefully the rash will be just allergic and not an infection. The ER doctor didn’t think so because of the pattern of the rash – and he also ruled out shingles.

One thing though, as I lay on the bed getting my ultrasound done, I felt scared. I felt alone. My eyes actually teared up. The radiologist asked if I was ok. Not sure what came over me. I think while I was going to appointments alone during the cancer days I felt stronger and could deal better because I knew what I was dealing with and why I was going. Now – when I have these ad hoc appointments it’s the scare of the unknown. I am either getting weak and soft in my older age or just not as tough as before. There are chinks showing in the armour.

As my brother summed it up: “So I guess contrary to popular belief – you’re not Superwoman afterall.”
Nope. I’m Catwoman. Meow! Strong but not invincible. And have 9 lives! (I feel I’ve used a few already). Or, “Old Santa Grandma” as Hana called me. :O (Gotta love kids right?!)

My plan is to go to a Black and Gold Party for New Year’s Eve. I had decided to wear all gold and couldn’t think of how to throw in some black (could have been my hair – but I thought I’d go as a blond) – but now, I will add my black compression sleeve – so my outfit will be perfect. 🙂 . I can still do things, just as long as I protect my arm. Carpe Diem as they say! Rest assured I have been taking things easy. And getting more down time and sleep – thanks to the 50 mg of Benadryl I’m taking every 6-8 hours.

Hope all had a great holiday season, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
It has been a tough 2016. Can’t wait for 2017. New year. Fresh start. Better health. New hope.

Love and hugs, Winnie….still the Warrior xo