Hello Everyone!
I always like to send a message out on Remembrance Day. It is a day that you can put a lot of meaning to and be thankful for the life and world we have (although not perfect – but I can’t imagine the world if it were not for those brave few that saved so many).
At the end of October I went to my big 5-year (since diagnosis) check up with my oncologist at Princess Margaret Hospital. I was all prepared to do blood work etc…. Boy, was I wrong about what I thought I was there for. Apparently, blood-work would not detect any cancer cells that might be floating around – at least not early enough to preempt any recurrence. So I took that to mean if they did find something – that some serious cancer has set in and you were really in trouble then. The blood-work I thought I was going to do was to see if I was in menopause. And if I were – then they might consider changing me to another drug from Tamoxifen. All they’d have to do, in my opinion, was call me to see if “auntie flow” still visited from time to time and save me the time, effort and mental stress of going to PMH. I still get goose-bumps when I walk down the main hall past where everyone is waiting to do their blood work. The oncologist (who wasn’t my regular guy) didn’t even do any “check-up”. But at least she said I looked “great”. I go back in 2 years. In the meantime I still go to the After Cancer Treatment Clinic for follow up. I did get weighed. 60 kgs. And I saw my last weigh-in 2 years ago. 64 kgs. All I could think of was: “why didn’t anyone tell me I was getting fat?!”. Did I mention before that one of the side-effects of tamoxifen is weight gain??
I’m still going to take tamoxifen for a while yet. Apparently it is protecting me while giving me hot flashes and aches. Supposedly works better for me than the chemo. 5 more years of research – leads to more adjustments and conclusions and treatment paths. Sheesh.
Memories: Sunday, November 1st was 5 years to the day I shaved my hair off and the beginning of this journey, emails and of the club of Winnie’s Warriors. I celebrated with my family. I even told my sister and sister-in-law that I had arranged to have them shave their heads to donate their long locks…..it was a joke but the looks of both of their faces were priceless. Just having some fun! LOL.
During the day – I was on my own, reflecting quietly and peacefully about that night. How scared I was. How nervous I was. How I wondered how creepy I would look. How I felt all the love and nervousness for me from the friends and family that were there. How I watched everyone’s faces as Brian started to shave my hair. And how I started talking away – making jokes, drinking my champagne (thanks Armando), and doing my best to fight off not only my own tears, but everyone else’s. Wow. What a night. My pseudo-brother Jim said it was the weirdest invitation he had ever received. I would have to agree. Who knew what to expect?! In the end – it was AMAZING. I will never forget it.
In a recent survey, people were asked what part of their appearance did they think made them most attractive. The answer by more than 75% was “their hair”. In the past, I’d have to agree 100%. I’m still working through that. Guess that’s why I still wear wigs. J
My big news is that I have officially joined the 21st century as all my emails have been posted to: (except this one)
I guess I’m a “blogger” now! LOL.
All my thoughts and photos from the past 5 years are there. Although I haven’t figured out how or tried to put up a new post. (Thanks to Brynn for getting everything up to now posted – best $100 I’ve spent). 🙂
From time to time I have people ask me if they can forward my emails on to a friend, co-worker, or family member who is going through cancer – and now I can send them to my website to see all of them and hope that in some small way, that my memories are helping and making a little difference; giving hope and a maybe even a couple of laughs and tears too!
I have been reading them myself and I have to say, I’m enjoying them and the flood of emotions that the memories bring back.
And sometimes, when I need a break from being me, I dress up and put on a mask and dance :).
Remembering you all fondly and with love,
Winnie xo
